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Here, sometimes barely

Kinlee's doing great. She's sleeping, she's eating, both at appropriate intervals usually. Overall, things are good.

Unfortunately, but quite honestly, I'm having a hard time with the same things I dealt with after Braska. For those of you that were around then, it's not as bad, but it's not good either. I call it a postpartum anxiety. It's not a depression, it's like panic attacks. Freakouts, if you ask my husband. They just hit out of nowhere on Friday morning, then periodically I get hit again. It's horrible, let me tell you. I can't explain it, but it is no fun. Friday night I wasn't able to sleep one little bit, well, maybe an hour total between all the attempts. I was a total wreck. Saturday I tried to nap several times but couldn't sleep again.

So last night, after having gone home on Friday evening, my mom returned again to help out. I was able to sleep last night, finally, though I haven't been able to nap today. I can't tell you how much I hate this. And the hating it only makes it worse, I think. It's just unnerving to know I'm being crazy and yet I can't do anything about it.

I'd appreciate your prayers for quick passage of this little phenomenon. It took about 10 days with Braska, but I'm hoping it won't hang around as long this time without the other elements of Braska's first few weeks to exacerbate things. I started the low-dose meds on Friday afternoon to help get things evened out, hopefully. There is just nothing more difficult for me than to not be able to control my own reactions to things. The chest pounding, heart racing, trouble catching a breath, total sense of fear, and the other parts are not that enjoyable either.

Hopefully, I'll be back to my old, perky self soon. She shows up for small moments, but I'd rather her hang around more often.
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Comments

  1. MeredithFebruary 15, 2009 at 8:03 PM

    Wow, how difficult. Glad to hear she's doing well, though and I do hope that you are back to feeling like yourself soon. I do think it's great that you recognize that it's happening. That's really a big thing to know that it's something unusual... Many hugs, and I hope you're back to yourself soon!

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  2. ChristinaFebruary 15, 2009 at 8:08 PM

    Glad to hear that the baby is doing good. I am praying for you that this anxiety stuff passes quickly. I suffer from anxiety everyday and constantly talk myself out of going to the doctor to get meds.

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  3. JenFebruary 15, 2009 at 8:30 PM

    Hey RK - I'm glad Kinlee is doing well. I'm so sorry you're having to experience this anxiety again! I'll pray that you know and feel God's peace & rest. Hugs...

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  4. Violette's MomFebruary 15, 2009 at 9:22 PM

    Hey friend!
    This too shall pass. I always feel like the first 14 days after all three of my kids were born were the longest 14 days of my life!

    Hang in there! The homones, lack of sleep and total overwhelming nature of taking care of a new life are taxing!
    Missy

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  5. JessieFebruary 15, 2009 at 10:08 PM

    I dear, I'm sorry to hear that RK - hang in there friend. I'm glad your mom can still be around to help you with Kinlee while you deal with this. I'll be praying!

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  6. Karen KFebruary 15, 2009 at 10:31 PM

    I'm definitely praying for you, that time is so hard. Kinlee looks great and you'll be back to yourself before you know it:o)

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  7. KariFebruary 16, 2009 at 7:06 AM

    congratulations!!
    If it only lasted 10 days it's probably just your hormones. Hope you feel better fast!!

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  8. AnonymousFebruary 16, 2009 at 7:10 AM

    I'm glad to hear that lil miss is doing well and I'll say a prayer for your anxiety (for lack of anything else to call it) to go back to its' normal level...hey, email me if you get a chance- you won the giveaway...actually, you both won-lol!

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  9. CateFebruary 16, 2009 at 10:44 AM

    Aw, RK, I'm sorry. I hope the meds kick in quick. Postpartum is such a hard time.

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  10. MichelleFebruary 16, 2009 at 3:38 PM

    Praying this passes soon and you're able to get some sleep!

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  11. MammaMayMillerFebruary 16, 2009 at 4:46 PM

    I'm ashamed to say I only just caught up with your blog yesterday...!!! First things first: many many congrats, my friend! I didn't even realise Kinlee was due when she was - just been caught up in my own little world I guess - and lo and behold there she was next time I logged on!!
    I'm so sorry you've been having those panic attacks - not great...
    I was also a wreck after Ben's birth, and similarly had some nights when I simply would.not.sleep... it is torture! So I really hope and pray you get through this very very fast. Keep strong my friend, keep holding on to Jesus - this WILL pass.

    much love and cyber-hugs
    Rachel xxxx

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  12. heidi marieFebruary 16, 2009 at 4:56 PM

    being a woman is soooo not easy. all the crap we have to go through. i'm sorry you are having a difficult time. i hope you get back to your old self soon. it took me quite awhile to get back to normal post henry's birth. hang in there :)

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  13. Shannon @ Gabi's WorldFebruary 16, 2009 at 6:49 PM

    Praying for you sweetheart! That sounds awful!

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  14. Melissa @ Banana MigraineFebruary 16, 2009 at 6:53 PM

    I'm glad that Kinlee is doing okay, but I'm sorry to hear that you are having trouble. I deal with anxiety too - and I know how hard it it. I pray that it goes by quickly and you are feeling more yourself each day.

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  15. SandiFebruary 16, 2009 at 10:35 PM

    Glad to hear Kinlee is doing well. Now, get some rest momma and mend your body and mind. You are in my prayers for a quick mending. Can't wait for more posts on how both of your lil' girls are doing.

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  16. AnonymousFebruary 16, 2009 at 11:34 PM

    Praying for you that you would feel better soon! ((((RK))))

    I'm glad Kinlee is doing well.

    Hugs,
    Leslie

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  17. TriciaFebruary 17, 2009 at 7:58 AM

    I am hoping you are feeling better as I write this. I want you to know I totally understand, I had the same thing this time around with Rainer, maybe not as bad as you describe, but definitely moments of terror and worry. I am happy to report that it did pass rather quickly and I hope the same for you. Try to be gentle and patient with yourself. You know this is totally normal hormone stuff and it will pass. Just be honest with your family/friends and doctors and like you did with your mom ask when you need help.

    LOVE LOVE!

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  18. EvanFebruary 17, 2009 at 8:01 AM

    Honey I have been there and I still have them..I have been on medicine since Evan was born. If you EVER need to talk just let me know, I am a great listner and I know exactly what you are going through.. Praying for you..

    Jessi

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  19. Rachel DominguezFebruary 17, 2009 at 10:58 AM

    I am so so so sorry you are having to go thru this again. I completely know what you are feeling, I had the same kindof thing with two of my babies.

    I will pray very hard for this to go away soon.

    Love and Prayers,

    Rachel

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  20. Momma PeepFebruary 17, 2009 at 8:43 PM

    I'm so sorry to hear about the panic attacks. I remember holding Faith and crying hysterically those first few weeks and had no idea why! The good news is that you are doing everything you are supposed to be doing in that situation including asking for prayer which is the most important thing. I will be praying that things level out soon so you can enjoy those beautiful girls:)

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  21. MelanieFebruary 17, 2009 at 10:36 PM

    You are so brave to talk about how you are feeling. And know that you are not alone in how you are feeling. I will pray that it passes quickly.

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  22. AnonymousFebruary 20, 2009 at 1:39 PM

    RK,

    I love you tons! I hope it eases soon. I so wish I lived closer to help. But I wrap internet hugs around you, and send up prayers. You are awesome parents and this anxious time will pass. Love, Valerie

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