Just RK

I don't really know what to say about this, but I keep thinking about it, so I'll just jot down my thoughts. I'll not use names to protect the privacy of the family at this time. This morning about 8:30 am a good friend K called to tell me that another good friend's(BD) twin brother(BT), who was an acquaintance, took his own life earlier this morning. His father (BB), who works with both brothers in their business, entered their shop to find him. I don't know much about the situation in detail, but I do know that BT had been having a very hard time for the past year or so in many ways. I would occasionally get reports via friends about this or that, and it was sad to hear the troubles... We haven't seen BD and his wife D much in the past year except to say hello at church, but we keep up on what's happening with them through mutual friends and such. I actually got an email from D two days ago saying she'd like to do lunch or something. We used to b...

Baby steps to the phone. Baby steps call the doctor. Baby steps set a time. For those of you who know me maybe too well, you'll know I'm referencing my favorite movie . But I took the steps, called the GI dr, and I'm waiting for a call back to set a date. We'll get it on the schedule for the PEG , probably aiming for the 2nd full week of September. If she has a breakthrough before then, awesome...if not, baby steps to the hospital. Thanks for all the comment love. I appreciate the feedback and votes of confidence way more than you know. I think it's the best thing for her...and best is good. (But that's another post for another day.)

So I've spent alot of time this morning looking over information about G-tubes, specifically the PEG process , which is what our doctor would use. Braska doesn't seem to be improving in her eating, and I'm just getting tired of the battle. I feel like that makes me a bit of a mothering failure, to be honest, yet I know that I've tried everything I can for 9 months now. I just hate to put her through another procedure, and I guess I've become a bit paranoid about the possibility for complications. As I told a friend yesterday, they say it's routine, but what's routine? How can poking a hole in my baby's tummy be so routine? I guess this is just another one of those situations when being the adult is no fun. So many people say that their kids did so much better once they got rid of the NG and went to the G-tube, but then there are a few who seem to simply have a different set of problems. And if I'm going to have problems anyway, I'd rather do it w...

So I've been struggling with what to do with my hair forever, or at least a few months. I'm home everyday and have fallen into the put-it-up-in-a-scrunchie rut. It's easy and practical, so why not? The husband says he doesn't care at all, so why bother with anything but the simple. Plus it's so long that actually doing something with it took more time than I really ever have. It's so cliche to go from long hair to short after a kid, and I've been trying to hold out, although I'm not sure why. But no more. This morning Braska and I ventured out to get the job done. I'd been referred to Dee (thanks Dulcy!) so off we went. She was nice, but not too talkative (which is a good thing in my book), and she did a good job interpreting what I was trying to describe. I'm not sure what I really think of it yet, but at least it's different, and will be easier to do when I want to put forth the effort. At least I hope so. This is immediately before cutting...

My daughter doesn't want to eat. At least that's all I can figure. She has improved, but it still is very difficult to get her to take anything. She often acts like she wants food. She sucks on her tongue alot. She makes little munching motions and seems to grind her little gums. I can hear her tummy growl and yet she still won't take sustenance. She looks at me like she's trying to tell me, "Don't you see my problem? Can't you fix it?" Yet when I offer her a way to calm her hunger, she won't accept it. She refuses a bottle, which would be the quickest way to a full tummy. I know how she can fill her tummy when its hungry, but she doesn't seem to understand my attempts to communicate it to her. I can't convince her that this is the way to grow and be healthy. This makes me so very frustrated! So here's the lightbulb over my head from this morning... how many times do I do the same thing with my Father? I have a problem that I want solve...

A friend bought us some time with Merry Maids (Thanks Joan!) and they came for the second trip today. It's a funny thing, having a cleaning service. I spend about three hours getting the house ready for people who are coming to clean it. Granted I would need an hour longer to do what they do, it still seems funny to do so much pre-work. It's just that they don't mess with the clutter, of course. They don't know where I keep this and that, so they can't be putting things away for me. So it's my job to put all Braska's toys back where they go so they can vacuum. I must put away the dishes and food and clean the kitchen counter off so they can sanitize it. I have to clear off the bathroom vanity so they can clean that too. It makes sense, yet it still seems weird to me. Maybe I'll get used to it. It's also weird to have them here working while I'm home. Since I work from here, I just retreat into my office, which is not on their list of rooms to cle...

My parents have been here since Sunday night and will be staying until Saturday morning. They're helping with a million tasks, but the big ones are in remodeling two bathrooms. Here's the hall bath before. Here's the hall bath after. (Hint for those of you design-challenged...note the vanity top, toilet, and floor.)