Saturday, June 27, 2009

Credit where more than credit is due

I keep telling myself that I have to sit down and write up some proper notes of thanks for so many people who have helped us in the last several months.  But it's not getting done.  It's my own fault.  I'm not going to even pretend to make excuses.  But I don't want those of you who have helped to think for one minute that I don't realize how important, helpful, plainly quite pivotal the various helping gestures have been for us.  So this will be quick, as the girls are asleep and I've not got but a few minutes. I'll type fast and hope it comes out ok.

Family: Our family, immediate and extended, has helped us in so many ways I can't even list them.  From assistance with our down payment, to time spent here at the house physically helping, cleaning, painting, watching the kids, to giving generously to the girls.  We wouldn't be here, like geographically in this place, if it weren't for our family.  From the job M has to the fact that we were able to buy this house. 

It's humbling, and I think sometimes I can't say thank you enough...so much so that it probably gets annoying that I keep saying thank you.  We have those close to us here who are always offering to do whatever we might need.  You have helped with the girls, playing with them, babysitting so we can have an hour or two out, and the financial help toward the girls' daily needs has been overwhelming, to be truthful.

I know there are always a handful of people who I can call when we need something.  I think in 31 months we've paid for babysitting 2 times.  Literally.  That's just amazing.  Some of that was, of course, in C-U, so you guys that are or were there then...you were lifesavers, too.  I don't rely on these people enough, and I know that.  But I'm not good at admitting that I need help when it comes to the deeper things.  I know that.  I'm working on it.  God's working on me, I should say.  But know that I appreciate all the availability even when I don't utilize it every time you offer.

IRL Friends: I've said before that we don't have many friends here, and that's still true.  I can count on one hand the people, nonfamily, who I would call friends locally.  But the few I have I do SO appreciate.  Specifically those of you who go out of your way to do the little special things on the days when I need "cooling off."  I'm not good at being honest about my state of mind all the time, as I'm great at saying, "Fine! We're good," when asked how things are.  Again, I'm a work in progress.  Last week I was actually brought to tears by a small (frozen) gesture, one that was so well-timed, and it got through my self-constructed wall of fake composure.  It was a little embarrassing, but really, the only witnesses to the crack in my armor were very cool about it.

To those of you who have been friends for a long time, though we don't live near each other anymore... don't think for a moment you're not still important.  When you call to check on us, even if you just leave a voice mail message, it's encouraging.  I'm not great on the phone lately, I admit.  It's generally loud around here with the two chatterboxes I've been blessed with. (Yes, they are both talking up a storm, though only Braska is understandable at this point.  Kinlee's sure trying alot.)  And I know that I often can't hide my frustration, disappointment, or just blue-ness well enough on the phone, so sometimes, I just don't answer.  Weird that I've become that way, as that's kind of a new thing.  It's rare though, don't worry. 

Online friends: I'm still a little surprised at how much I rely on you guys.  Some of you are not that far away and I plan on IRL meetings very soon.  You have offered yourselves, your houses, and countless other means of support, and I'm once again humbled.  That people I've never met would reach out like that, would be available, would be honest in order to encourage my openness...it's amazing.  I might be pathetic, but I still am amazed when I get actual emails from online buddies... it's a little shocking to me that someone took the time to sit down and think of me long enough to compose an email and express their concern, encouragement, opinion, or whatever.  The same goes for comments on the blogs...I can't tell you how excited I get about comments.  It's sad, ridiculous really, but they are a highlight to every day. 

You've sent me things for myself.  You've sent me things for the girls.  I'm so overwhelmed every time.  Even just reading blogs...I kind of feel privileged that I get to see into your lives.  Though most of you don't have private blogs, it still seems like sometimes it's the "in crowd" that meets there to talk about whatever you've posted about.  It's always nice to belong...and maybe it's weird to think one can "belong" in the blog world, but I kind of see it that way sometimes.

<The girls are now up...always waking at the same time... so I better finish this up...>

Braska's team: Awesome therapists. Best service coordinator in the world.  I wish I could take you all with us for the next 14 years.  I'm not looking forward to the transition because it will mean that we have to get used to a new team.  I'm sure they will be good...at least they darn better, but still... they've got alot to live up to.  In Illinois, we had a phenomenal team.  And here, after a few tiny bumps, we have a wonderful team as well.  You all love Braska and really get excited about spending time with her. Above and beyond...all of you.  And did I mention the BEST service coordinator in the world!?!

Blog readers: Maybe you've been covered in one of the previous categories, but maybe you've not commented (Please do so...at least once, sometime...I'd love to know who I'm appreciating!)  I get reports in my email every day that tell me how many people visited each blog that day.  It's amazing to me.  I still smile thinking that there are so many of you who have told me that you "look forward" to posts, either here or on the girls' blogs.  Look forward. Anticipate. Eagerly await.  Huh?  We're way too boring to cause eagerness, yet there you are. Even if you're a silent reader, a "lurker" as blog world refers to them--though it sounds kind of menacing, I think--I still am thankful and encouraged by all of you.  It's no small thing that you stop in each day or each week to see what's new.  Lately, it's been harder to find time to put up the cute pictures and the fun stories.  And honestly, there have been fewer fun stories to tell.  But it's a season we're in and it will pass. I appreciate that so many of you are willing to walk with us through it.

We are so blessed.  I often feel guilty that I am not 100% cheery all the time.  I am overall a very positive person, I am optimistic.  I know God is in control, and he is WAY smarter than me.  I have not one shred of doubt that he has our best interest in mind, and I can't wait to see what's next.  That doesn't mean I don't sometimes wish for more peace and less drama, but I am learning to be content in any situation, as Paul said. 

We have come a long way, our little family of 2 then 3 then 4.  Wow, have we come a long way.   And in the big picture, it's not been that long since our lowest, most painful moments. I admit that I hope we won't experience pain like that again, but there are no guarantees in this life, and I accept that. I want to be an example of trusting God, of accepting the occasional lemon with my glass of water and Splenda ready to add for the lemonade.  I want to be the right kind of mom to these girls and wife to M.  And it's not about my plan or what I think, it's about what God has in store, and I'm excited to see it all play out.

So thank you, one and all. For just being there.  For reading this and many other long diatribes. For smiling. For helping. For sharing. For praying.  Especially for praying.  I wouldn't want to do this without any of you.

7 comments:

  1. So much for all of us to be thankful for...thanks for the reminder!

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  2. I am a lurker here...but love yours and the girls blogs! We can't be cheery all the time!

    Sorry you are feeling blue, I am sure it will turn around soon!

    Hugs.

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  3. don't feel guilty that you're not cheery 100% of the time, very few people can do that, it's hard. We all have our off days, I'm having a 'blah' today actually!

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  4. You are most welcome for any small part we play in the picture of your life. You have gained your father's gift for words. We are blessed to call you part of our inheritance from God :o)

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  5. I am honored to be a part of YOUR life! :)

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  6. what a very touching post. i'm so glad you have so many positive people in your life. it helps so much to have that support. i don't know what i would do without the same type of people you speak of.

    i will say that it took me a sec to figure out what irl meant. :) speaking of in real life. i am coming to stl next month. so if you are up to it. i think it's time we meet up!!!!!

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  7. I hope you know how very happy I am to have you in my life IRL (as well as those other places!). I guess we can never really know the impact we have on someone else's life - you've cheered me up, let me vent, calmed me down, and made me laugh so many times when I really needed it. Thank you friend!

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