tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7354838298487883182.post827544038031029749..comments2023-05-03T08:09:19.119-05:00Comments on Just RK: Comparing comparisonsRKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259757888643034394noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7354838298487883182.post-84231722250778328362010-07-24T10:53:40.285-05:002010-07-24T10:53:40.285-05:00This has been on my mind a lot lately. Sophie is ...This has been on my mind a lot lately. Sophie is 3 and Helena is 14 months. In submitting Soph's IEP to our new state recently I've been reading what her therapists have said which includes the scoring on those darn tests that we all hate. They place Soph at the level of a 17-18 month old.<br />Helena has reached her milestones at the typical times and may be a little advanced in the area of speech. So, we basically have 2 girls of near identical developmental age, wearing the same size diapers, playing similarly. Helena is rapidly surpassing Soph in speech and will soon catch her in gross motor. <br />Even as Soph is delayed, she still displays a lot of the "terrible 2's & 3's tantrum behaviors. Some of her sweetness seems to have waned and I'm not sure if that is because she is behaving like a typical 3 year old or if she's extra frustrated in her struggle to communicate her needs.<br />Helena eats anything we give her. Soph has begun refusing most things, except Wheat Thins and apple sauce, which makes EVERY.SINGLE.MEAL a battle.<br />If someone says they wouldn't compare the kids in a similar situation, I might be tempted to call them out. How can you not? How can you not have conflicted feelings? Joy of the younger child's accomplishments and deep breaths over the older child's own pace. It is a constant adjustment.<br />Guess it may be time for a little blog writing as therapy for me again.<br />Good post RK.<br />---JenJRShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05295890734305677152noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7354838298487883182.post-62968779275982771932010-07-12T20:47:30.130-05:002010-07-12T20:47:30.130-05:00I think you did a great job answering the question...I think you did a great job answering the question. <br /><br />As much as we tell ourselves NOT to compare, because really, it isn't fair to compare... it just happens. I don't think you can help it. I also think there probably is comparisons in families with all typical kids. I think I would be comparing Kayla and Lucas even if Kayla didn't have Ds. For instance - the baby books - wouldn't that be comparing to say oh well Kayla walked at such an age and Lucas walked at this age (in the scenario that Kayla didn't have Ds) does that make sense?<br /><br />But yes, my kids are 5 yrs apart yet I still find myself comparing! Maybe it's because of having a child with Ds first and I didn't realize how natural and fast a typical child just does things and gets things. Lucas seems like you described Kinlee - just blazing through the milestones with no instruction whatsover and I think gosh he's one smart kid! But I actually haven't really compared him to a lot of typical 2 yr olds and he's probably pretty average after all hahaha ... but it just seems like he's 'ahead' on things because of how fast he learns and catches on ... and because of how much longer it took Kayla to do those things.<br /><br />Like I noticed he was jumping about 18 months (I think, never even wrote that down!) but Kayla was 3 before she got both feet off the ground. He's so much more agile and balanced and coordinated than Kayla. He speaks in better sentences than Kayla. Although he does mimic some of Kayla's speech patterns/enunciations. I do find myself thinking, geesh look what he's doing already, or how well he's doing such and such, better than Kayla is doing. Sometimes it makes me sad, but I realize this is going to happen whether I like it or not!<br /><br />Sorry, didn't mean to write a book :)Michellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02441176684416139172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7354838298487883182.post-43674201085830618332010-07-07T10:49:46.114-05:002010-07-07T10:49:46.114-05:00B--Me too!
Rosa--Hi!! Good to see you! I need to ...B--Me too!<br /><br />Rosa--Hi!! Good to see you! I need to get in touch with you...will drop you an email about a local family.<br /><br />Grandma C--I'm so glad you're on our team.<br /><br />Carol--Logic says "don't compare," this is true. But my thoughts and feelings are definitely not logical, and they are SURE not easy to fix. I'm difficult like that! Amen to focusing on the positives.<br /><br />Debbie--Looking forward to your post. :)<br /><br />Carol--It is true that we may at times baby our kids when they need to be rising to higher expectations. So hard to decipher. That's parenting, I guess.RKhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11259757888643034394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7354838298487883182.post-61520044350867329932010-07-07T10:18:43.944-05:002010-07-07T10:18:43.944-05:00Yes, if you stick with the positives, it can be gr...Yes, if you stick with the positives, it can be great having typical kids around who will help you stop treating your child with DS in a manner that may not be age appropriate. My other kids and her peers at school keep reminding me where she *should* be and even though I do not dwell on the things she is not able to pull off right now, I do focus on the things she I know she CAN do, keep working on needed skills and I don't let her fool me into treating like a much younger child.<br /><br /> Often the other kids are the ones who make me see how limited MY vision of her is. ;-)Carolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02693594588315925422noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7354838298487883182.post-33612289665521481412010-07-07T10:01:39.104-05:002010-07-07T10:01:39.104-05:00RK - As you know, my daughter with Ds has the youn...RK - As you know, my daughter with Ds has the youngest of 3. However, I ran a daycare for the first 3 years of Peanut's life and I have friends that have children Peanut's age or younger. Even the other children I know that have Ds I find myself comparing Peanut to. Especially in speech. But you raise a very good point that I appreciate, I tend to take Peanut's strength for granted and focus on the weaknesses. Of course, this is necessary to help her, but I need to put a little more focus on the strengths sometimes. <br /><br />I know what Carol said to be true in my heart, "simply don't compare them" but that's easier said than done. We all do it to some degree. Comparing and challenging to excel can be a good thing if done in a positive way. It's not so much that you shouldn't or that you shouldn't have a pity party from time to time, but that you should not get caught up in it constantly. Some times a good cry helps to move on and see the brighter side of things. <br /><br />I'm going to try to write a post on this as well when I have time tonight. Thanks for the inspiration, I've been suffering from writer's block!Debbie @ Three Weddingshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11778199494515694006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7354838298487883182.post-27019552525360362112010-07-07T07:55:05.222-05:002010-07-07T07:55:05.222-05:00It's very simple- don't.
You shouldn'...It's very simple- don't.<br /><br /> You shouldn't be comparing anyone to anyone. I am mom to 7 and grandma to 3. The grandsons are starting to bypass my youngest with DS and frankly, so what? <br /><br />We all have strengths and weakness and we just need to focus on the positives each of us has, and do what we can to help each other grow.<br /><br />Since all this takes place in your own thoughts and feelings, it will be the easiest thing in your life to 'fix'. Focus on the positives. Forget the rest. <br /><br />"My problem is not how *I* look, it's how *you see* me. "Carolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02693594588315925422noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7354838298487883182.post-88261800502703257762010-07-06T22:14:13.588-05:002010-07-06T22:14:13.588-05:00I cannot do anything but cry when I read this post...I cannot do anything but cry when I read this post. I love them both dearly. They are both extraordinary, they both touch my heart in a way that is nearly painful. I would want that neither of them ever feel less than or not as competent or not as beautiful but it seems that brook without rocks does not sing. <br /><br />Both these girls sing the most beautiful songs.Grandma Cnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7354838298487883182.post-10149989241399045022010-07-06T21:42:37.045-05:002010-07-06T21:42:37.045-05:00I have just one child who has Down syndrome, but I...I have just one child who has Down syndrome, but I think if I have a second child how it would be. Will I compare them? I remember when my sister and I were kids we used to dislike our parents compared us because we were different, we like different things and do things in different ways and pace. So, I will keep this in mine when I have my second child.Rosahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02563282224117081649noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7354838298487883182.post-31604948458080664522010-07-06T21:03:00.845-05:002010-07-06T21:03:00.845-05:00I'm interested to see what other moms say!I'm interested to see what other moms say!Bnoreply@blogger.com